“You deserve to feel Happy and Safe”

Poster for the blog

We hear about Domestic Violence in our day to day life but how many knows or have the awareness about it, we might have the knowledge about this topic but the issue is that it is not fairly discussed in the society. The main victim of Domestic Violence are the women and many a times they are embarrassed or shameful to tell anyone, the strange and astonishing fact is that for many women the biggest threat is not strangers but their own husband.

Many women across the globe stay at home as mothers and home makers or work part-time to contribute towards their family and seek to have a career and an identity of their own in the society. After immigrating to America their career is hit hardest as the access to legal Aid and awareness in most family law cases are limited or removed due to ignorance and limited legal exposure and knowledge. Often people find that decisions go against them because they’ve not been able to refer the judge to the relevant legal points of their case. A relationship horror that spans all socio-economic areas is domestic violence. Whether from those who are married or in long-standing relationships, incidences of violence in the home are on the rise.

In most of the situation the cases end up getting emotional and not represented in the best possible way. There is hardly a day that goes by where we don’t see news reports about violence and crime happening in our cities and communities with youth being abused, children with special needs being bullied, and people lacking kindness and understanding for each other. Now more than ever it is essential that we make efforts to ensure a more peaceful future for our children. Many people who have never been in an abusive relationship have no idea how difficult it is. They assume, wrongly, that all you have to do is file a complaint, get a restraining order, and leave. This is simplistic thinking. Violence against them should prevent and protect. It should be geared towards assisting victims and making sure that they are protected in the future. It should criminalize violence against women, strive to identify the perpetrators and bring them to justice. It should fight impunity.

Get help in case you are experiencing any domestic violence in your own home, do not keep it to yourself and continue to be a victim of this society, tell someone and stand up towards the injustice and fight back. Get help, do not wait for someone to come and safe you, don’t be scared of men around you, it’s not your fault and tolerance to violence is not the solution, it not only hits your dignity but will also be the cause of your child’s future, do not put yours or your child’s life in jeopardies. YOU deserve to be happy and have a free life so do not let anyone take that right away from you. Being Women is the biggest gift of Nature and no one has the Right to take away this pride from you.

Domestic Violence not only causes Physical harm but it causes a lot of Emotional damage, it kills self-confidence and moral of a person and many a time leads to hyper stress and mental imbalance. Stability is very important especially for Women who encounter Domestic Violence as the abuser always try to re-gain the control by physically harming and also by abusing economically.

The National Resource Center on Domestic Violence examined the importance of domestic violence shelters, often the only refuge for abused women, by conducting a 24-hour census. Its study found that 64 percent of unmet requests from victims were for housing. Overall, 12.3 percent of the sheltered homeless populations are domestic violence survivors, according to the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development’s 2010 annual homelessness assessment report.

There is a huge difference between Domestic Violence Shelter from Homeless shelter, the victims are given more resources and protections, they are given mental strength building training to attain more confidence and get back to normal Life, more care and nourishment is given to them as they need extensive care and at the same time need more supervising and guidance. Domestic Violence Shelter provides immediate safe places for women and children who are fleeing as they don’t have any other option left in life. The shelters are equipped with professionals who provide counseling and resources that can help preventing violence occurring again.

Restraining Order is a lawsuit that determines to do or not to do certain things under the umbrella of various legal rules and laws. It is not same as domestic violence which is summarized above but domestic violence can be factored under the same family law case. Restraining Order can be a part of Family Law case such as a Divorce or other civil codes.

‘Ex parte’ can be enforced under restraining orders based upon request by one of the party filing the law case, ex parte means that one party can ask the court to do something without letting the other party know about it. If ex parte is granted in the restraining order than the other party is later permitted a hearing to present their side of the story, this is implied for protection orders as well. Restraining Order varies from state to state as the law and rules are not the same thus it is very important to consult an attorney which is familiar with the state laws and the various other rules from where the Case is presented.

Below are few of the suggestions that can be applied to your own situation which can improve safety in an abusive relationship, but more importantly one should seek more knowledge on domestic violence from local domestic violence advocate. What is even more important is to gain self-confidence and have the courage to fight back for freedom.

  • Gain more safety by hiding all the weapons at home, but make sure that this does not worsen the situation, be more tactical and keep an open eye for the upcoming situation.
  • Always keep the exit path free when an argument is encountered, make sure that the area is not equipped with weapons or any such items that can cause you sever harm.
  • Keep your cell phone or home phone close to you and keep 911 in speed dial, also keep your friend and family numbers in speed dial.
  • Create a code word with friends and family in order to communicate to them that you need help.
  • Reach out to friends, family outside your home, and resources in the community
  • Educate yourself about all types of abuse and control methods.
  • Develop self-reliance through detachment and personal boundaries- Writing one’s own boundaries will gave a sense of personal strength and responsibility to themselves to end the abuse.
  • Stop seeing yourself as a victim and start seeing as an agent of change, both for yourself and your relationship.
  • Design a safety plan. This is a must whether you think you’ll leave the abuser or plan to stay with him. Your safety plan will give you the peace of mind that comes with knowing you can leave when or if you must.

7 thoughts on ““You deserve to feel Happy and Safe”

  1. Always glad to see posts like this!
    Women in abusive relationships, need to find support, sometimes from people outside of their circle of friends or relatives, as they would often be too embarrassed to speak about the issue.
    In this case the internet should not keep quiet about it, and offer all the support and help needed.
    Article like this contribute to this, thank you Sunaina 😉

  2. Thank you for posting this, Sunaina. Domestic Violence and Abuse is not spoken about enough yet. You bring up some very good points that need to be heard. Thank you! Another great resource is nomore.org and aplaceforwomen.org Unfortunately, in today’s society, men are also recipients of abuse. I hope that as a community, we will continue to seek understanding on such a multi-faceted issue. May goodness always be lavished on you, Gracie K.

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